patience

Sometimes, well a majority of the time, I wonder: how come God is so patient with me? I mean, really, I have the attention span as long as my Shih Tzu sometimes. I get distracted by so many things, some good and some not so healthy. A good analogy would be cross country running. I don't do cross country because I'd get distracted along the way.

Oh look! A pretty flower!

Oh look! A squirrel!

Oh look! A wooded area!

I want to become more like Paul. In Romans he writes, "I am forgetting what is behind and straining toward the goal." I think it's Romans, someone correct me if I'm wrong.... I want to be that focused and most times, I am and can be. Other times, and I want these to become less, I am a wandering tumbleweed. Father, give me direction. Show me what focus looks like and cause me to model after it.

resolutions

It's the time of year when my mother usually asks us children to re-evaluate and look at last year's resolutions while making new ones. I've decided that this year's resolutions will be more commitments, not just well wishing or things I want to accomplish. So, here goes it (and I'd appreciate some accountability on these this coming year):

- I commit to buying no “new” clothes this year…exceptions: Goodwill shopping, thrift stores, and gifts of clothing

- I commit to becoming more environmentally-friendly: become more aware and educated, reuse glass and plastic bottles, recycle paper products

- I commit to pursuing the dream, whatever form it takes for one solid year: offering the opportunity to others daily, reading and listening to CDs, attending seminars and rallies, etc

- I commit to physical fitness and the health of my body: exercising three or more times per week, running at least 30 minutes per day, eating healthy and drinking three or more bottles of water per day

I'm Innocent, I Swear

I'm innocent, I tell you--even though right now, I'm feeling uneasy. And part of this is my fault. I told someone my secret a while back, and it has come to bite me in the ass. Not only does that person know but another friend also knows. I feel violated. It was my secret. If I wanted to share it, I would have. Because I think they both know, things are weird and I don't know how to handle the awkwardness. Hiding it sounds good but the desire is to not be a fake with people I've been real with until now. It urks me that the past seems to carry so much weight even if I don't want it to. I came to college as a new person and wanted to leave my past behind. I wanted people to meet and know me, not my past, parents, grades, or religious affiliation. Just me, and now I wonder...was that too much to ask?

Secrets

Secrets. We all have them, and that one word seems to sum up my life right now. And the biggest problem or struggle is the element of fear. Christians are supposed to share their struggles with each other (Ephesians 6:2), but there is this schema in the Christians community that real Christians have it all together. I don't know about others but I definitely don't have it all together...in other words, the consequences of sharing my secrets are greater than the benefit of someone else sharing my burden. So, the only option is trudge on...alone. Perhaps one day, the rest of the Christian community will more accepting of imperfect people and more genuine with each other.